To all the weekend warrior males of Beach Road...

I've been patient with you. I've been polite and I've tolerated your ridiculous behaviour for months now. But today was officially it. The beauty of blogosphere has given me a voice and it will be heard.

1. Oh hello. Did I invite you to sit on my ass?
I am not intimately familiar with the unwritten rules of drafting and, even if I were, I don't particularly care what they say. Hear me loud and clear weekend warriors - my back wheel is not a free ride. Notice how I am riding by myself? No friend, no group, no triathlon mates. Just me, my Garmin and my bike. Ever think there might be a reason for that? Well, here it is. I'm not on a weekend cruise, I'm not catching up with mates to discuss the footy or the kids on a 40km round trip to Black Rock. I'm on a training ride. I'm riding by myself so I can spend 3-4 hours focussing on my heart rate, cadence, speed, pedal stroke and nutrition. If, after all that, I have some spare mental energy left I might think about the race I'm actually training for and visualise what it would feel like to win it (just to keep the motivation high). Here's what I don't need to listen to while I'm doing all that - you and old mate chatting away about the deals at work, how your other old mate friend is going, how Max is travelling in Auskick and how you're looking forward to your coffee, all while being dragged along by my biking efforts and making little of your own.

Oh, and after I've dragged your ass for 45min, you're not kidding anyone by then having a crack on a straight where you sprint past me and feel like gun for "beating the chick".

2. See this bike? It's not like yours.
Notice that my bike is different to yours? Its a triathlon bike. That might not mean much to you, but I can assure you there is one important difference that will make you take notice if you were gulping off my wheel and there was suddenly an accident.

When I'm on aerobars, I can go faster. Thats probably one of the reasons your hanging off my wheel. However, one of the flaws with this design is I have no immediate access to brakes. This is of minor concern to me when I am riding by myself as I can sort myself out; it becomes a big concern to me if I have some lazy nugget on my back wheel, chatting and paying no attention. Let me be clear - I don't know you, we're not friends, your not in my club and I have no idea how many more of you are hanging off me. When I am riding on aerobars, I am thinking about my own safety. If there is an accident or if I need to swerve, change direction or something else happens, I will not be thinking about you first - and I will need another 3 seconds or so to get to my brakes. I don't need to added stress of knowing you and your mates are right behind me, ready to ride up my ass if something happens quickly.  Notice how packs of riders don't ride together on triathlon bikes? Yeah there's a reason for that.

3. I'm sorry, are we friends?
I'm not out to have a chat with strangers during training rides. Don't sit on my wheel, then come up next to me and try and chat to me for the next hour like that makes it all better. It doesn't. Stop talking.

4. Wind sucks
Wind sucks. Absolutely it does, we all know it. Riding in wind is tough work. But that is what makes you a better rider. You know why your sitting on my wheel and not the other way around? Because I ride into wind all the time. Without sitting on people's wheels.

5. I'm not anti drafting
I get that there's benefits to organised drafting and group rides. It can be a useful training tool. What I am sick of, and I'm sure others are too, are people who choose to "go out for a ride" and do nothing but attach themselves to a rider - usually uninvited - and get sucked along which achieves nothing much more then wearing down your tyres. Here's a tip - if you are someone who is prone to attaching yourself to someone's back wheel, and that someone keeps turning their head to look at you - get off their wheel. You've just received the Beach Road Cyclist Code to f**k off.  In the nicest, cycling friendly way possible.

6. For the love of god, wear appropriate lycra
With the number of online shops, there is absolutely no excuse for ill fitting cycling gear. I don't want to see your belly poking out from under your jersey; I really don't want to see your crack through the (often) beige or white knicks that should have been retired about 10 rides earlier. I've checked and sizes go up to something like XXXXL. Do us all a favour.

7. To all the men who do none of the above...
Thank you. Especially thank you to those who offer little words of encouragement when they see me pushing along by myself, who slow down if they see me on the side of the road with a puncture or some other problem. To those who say good morning at the lights or have a chat when you're refuelling. To the genuinely nice people out on Beach Road training, getting exercise and just going about their business without hassling other people. That is what makes the training rides enjoyable and, particularly on the tough days when the wind is bitching and the rain is falling, its nice to know we're all in this together.

Riding the wave

Yesterday, I confronted this:

I almost did have a little brick wall cry with frustration. I did grunt some unattractive sounds as I battled with the wind trainer and with a body that wasn't doing what it was told, with muscles that just didn't want to give me any love and with my own fragile emotional state.

Bottom line, I had a bad session. In hindsight, there was some reasonable explanations for this. And I know this is common and we all have these experiences. At the time, however, I looked like this (subscript "oh my god I'm so crap, that was so shit, I am a failure):

and of course I tried to constrain the flood of adrenaline fuelled negative thoughts that irrationally pumped through my mind (i'm-terrible-that-was-terrible-i'm-not-improving-fast-enough-how-am-I-ever-going-to-be-competitive-oh-my-god-what-if-i-fail-at-this..........)

Etc. Really productive and helpful.

With the benefit of food and 8 hours sleep, a new day has dawned and a new training session to tackle. Which, I'm pleased to report, has been nailed perfectly. Which goes to show - we all have off days, but the important thing is to leave the off day in the off day. Don't drag it or the negative thoughts associated with it through to other training sessions so that the off day turns into off days or an off week.

When I have days like this, I often search for things to remind myself why I am doing what I am doing, to show how far I have come and to basically keep myself and my thoughts in perspective. Today, I thought I'd go back and see how many training hours I've logged since starting my half-IM training program 8 weeks ago (can't believe it's only been 8 weeks!)

So - over the past 8 weeks, my training has looked like this:

• 80% of the time has been on the bike, 15% has been running and 5% swimming
• I've biked 1,191km, I've run 226km and swum ~ 70km
• The highest 2 training weeks out of 8 were over my Christmas holidays (so.....what holiday? :) lucky I love it!)

Not a bad effort for an 8 week base build! 

Needless to say, my internal hysteria over the one off session was mitigated significantly by looking (a little proudly I have to say) over my efforts over the past 8 weeks. Lots of hours, a fair bit of sacrifices, a lot of hard work and pushing your body just that "little bit more" when needed......but I think we're getting there :) and I know the hard stuff is yet to come. Exciting!

Making it happen

Damn straight. I turn 30 in a couple of months and everyone tells me this is supposed to have some profound impact on me, that I'm apparently going to wake up the morning of my birthday and "feel differently" and suddenly my goalposts will shift and I will have a burning urge to navigate my way towards a husband, children and a house in the suburbs with a kitchen that has matching cutlery, a MixMaster and one of those industrial fridges with the ice maker in the front door.

Unlikely.

What I do know is that there has been some significant changes in my life leading up to this milestone birthday of 30. Priorities have shifted (just none that involve the above mentioned suburban dream); my attitude has changed and my outlook on life is different in one enormous way.

Right now, at age 29 and 10 months, I freaking love my life.

I love so many parts of my life and am so grateful for the opportunities and experiences I have.  There is no luck involved; I didn't wake up one day to this and think "what a nice surprise!" There are no shortcuts, no quick hints and no easy steps to happiness - just a lot (a LOT) of hard work and wanting what you want badly enough to work for it.

I am happy; confident; motivated; committed; excited; fit; healthy; strong. I am committed, resolutely, to training and am seeing the results. No missed sessions, no excuses, no trade-offs, no quick fixes. Just solid, consistent hard work and listening, learning and discovering along the way.

I feel tough, mentally tough. I'm ready to race, I'm ready to 'embrace the pain' and push through to the other side. Most importantly, I'm ready to race myself. I am my biggest competitor.

By far the biggest thing, the biggest change in me right now at age 29 and 10 months, is that I believe in myself. I believe I can do this, whatever "this" is. It doesn't matter. The goalpost changes every day, whether it's getting through a 3k set in the pool, a 15km run or a long ride. It doesn't matter what "it" is. What matters is that you don't give up, you stay focussed and you trust, you believe, that you can do it. You will get through, no excuses, no complaints and no giving up. Because I'm better than that. You're better than that.

There's a big difference between interest and commitment; when you're interested in doing something, you do it only when it's convenient. When you're committed to something, you accept no excuses - only results.

There's no place like....

Palm Beach - first day of Xmas holidays :)

Being home on the Gold Coast for Christmas has been so good this year. Unlike last year (where it rained, none stop, for the entire 8 days of my break) the weather has been pretty good - plenty of sun, lots of heat, LOTS of humidity and enough token showers to squeeze in the afternoon sleep.

Unlike last year too, this break has been more like a training holiday. My brain is definitely having an extended siesta but my body is getting belted more and more as the weeks go by. Training on the Gold Coast over the past 10 days has been fantastic (yes I have definitely whinged about the heat - but seriously, it is bloody hot) because it has presented a whole bunch of new mental and physical challenges that I don't have training in Melbourne:

• I may have mentioned the heat. It is very hot here, and very hot very early in the day. Leaving for a ride at 6:45am one morning, I learned my lesson about 20min in that it was going to be a long 3.5hrs in the saddle. Rides must start no later than 5:30am otherwise you're in for unnecessary pain.
• Some days, the humidity makes it feel like you are riding or running in a sauna and it makes breathing and regulating HR tough. While Melbourne gets hot, it doesn't get this humidity and training in this climate is hard work if you don't get things right (like hydration, nutrition, rest and recovery). I have embraced the Slurpee and Compressport calf and quad guards this holiday and both have been essential to train and recover.
• Headwind & crosswind. Now I know in Melbourne, the headwind on Beach Road is a bitch. On a bad day there, I honestly thought it couldn't get much worse. Wrong. The Gold Coast, with its high rises and coastal location, contorts itself into some kind of wind vortex where - regardless of what the weather bureau tells you, regardless of what direction you ride - you seem to battle a head wind for 75% of your ride and most probably some nasty cross winds. If you're really lucky, you may get some surprise wind gusts of 50km/hr just to keep you on your toes. 
• Road quality. I have learned we are so, SO lucky in Melbourne to have the roads we do. The Gold Coast councils seem to think that cyclists can make do with the offcuts of the road, the bits with pot holes/gaping separations/sewer covers/decorative bricks/leftover Indy bolts and we should all be really grateful. Oh, and 1 cycling lane for 2 directions of cyclists. Go figure.
• Other cyclists. In Melbourne, you have to watch out for drivers who have no idea but cyclists are generally a well mannered bunch. On the Gold Coast, the drivers are polite and will actually WAIT FOR YOU to leave off the lights (amazing. Manners. They exist). Cyclists, on the other hand, have no idea. No cycling etiquette, slow (SLLLLOOOWWWW), riding 2, 3 4 abreast and no hand signals. I swear, I feel like I'm in some twilight zone up here.

All of these factors have presented different challenges when going about my training program. I'm not used to this heat, I'm definitely not used to the humidity and - when you spend your days training by yourself - battling a headwind for 2 hrs can really break your spirit, not to mention exhaust you. In these conditions, day after day when you're supposedly on holiday, it could really make you doubt yourself and your ability and improvements in this sport. You know, when the Garmin tells you your av speed is down (no shit, you've been riding a headwind in a sauna for 2 hours) or your heart rate average is way up (again, der, its bloody hot) it could be easy to think "This is really shit. I'm really shit".

Not this time. I used this as a challenge. What a great environment to really test things out, push those barriers during the tough interval runs it the humidity or when legs feel like giving up after twice daily sessions and lots of bike hours. Because racing is tough, the conditions might be tough. Busselton could be really hot and what am I going to do, complain about how hot it is? No way. Now is the time to learn and adapt to these conditions, figure out what works and see how I can cope.

Plus - when you have the opportunity to ride past this sort of scenery, you really have to stop and remember how lucky we are.

Cabarita Beach @ Christmas Day - heaven

And I did cope. Yes there were tough days where everything hurt, I was dripping buckets of sweat off the bike on the road and was swearing and bitching about the Gold Coast weather - but my data was good, my pace and speed stayed on track and -if anything - I saw improvements. I made mistakes, identified what they were, tested things and fixed them. And I think this is the big confidence boost I needed - I needed to know that, when conditions were tough, I could still get through and not fold. Noosa was a perfect example of me not being prepared for the conditions. I cooked, and I hated myself that entire race. I was completely unprepared (physically and mentally) for those humid and hot conditions and had no coping mechanisms, nothing to fall back on. Big mistake. This time, it will be different.

The one thing that has been unaffected by all of this? Swim sessions. After a 13 year hiatus, I made my way back to the "Palm Beach Aquatic Centre" (as it's now called), where I used to spend most of my school day afternoons following the black line, being screamed at by my swim coach and being subjected to what I suspect is a form of squad training that is probably not allowed anymore (i.e. brutal and offensive). What was previously know as the PBC pool has had a facelift, and now there is brand new pool that meets all Olympic standards. And most of the time, you get a lane to yourself and a suntan to boot. Awesome.

So it's not quite MSAC....and you might get bird poo on your bag.....

Aside from this "training holiday", I have also been having a real holiday doing the important things in life - drinking lots of coffee, taking lots of naps (could really do with more, the training part of this holiday is making me seriously snoozy), catching up with old friends, doing some shopping, working on my tan, bonding with the dog (who hated me but now follows me around like we're besties) and spending time with the family. I look forward to this time of the year as it's the one week where all my girls are in town and we can hang out and talk like we're still 16 and nothing changed. I love that about our relationships.

Mel, me and Brooke xx like old times

So I'm back in the big smoke on NYE (will be a rager, getting in from the airport, driving home, building my bike again ready for a 6am ride! Hold me back!) and really looking forward to it. Today, one of my best friends gave birth to twin girls so there are two very exciting reasons to come home - I can't wait to meet them - and another friend is due any day now. But, for me, I know I am coming home a little bit fitter, mentally tougher then before and ready to start the 4 month build into 70.3 Busso. 

Happy New Year!

You are capable of achieving your wildest dreams

Being on the cusp of yet another new year, I started thinking today about what I had done this year and whether I felt I had progressed or improved from where I was last year. I was soaking my legs in the bay after 3.5 hours on the bike and a short run, feeling good (if not a bit thirsty) and it felt like an apt time to ponder such things as I stared out into the water.

As a control freak, I am the first to admit I like hard work = results. Immediately if possible. I'm not a fan of the slow burn, or the chip-away approach; every day, I like to see some improvement from the last. This goes for training (I'm obsessive with Garmin data and terribly critical of myself), for work (I like to see progress with projects or documents and am very impatient with people who don't tend to work as fast as I like to) and for relationships. More often then not, I can get disappointed as - strangely enough - it is generally difficult to be awesome every day. You will have days when you're off, you're tired or you're not in the mood or you just need to do the minimum to get through the day. We all have those. Unfortunately, when you fail to hover over the day-today results and look at it from a big picture perspective, those off days can tally up and become far more serious (in your mind) and get far more airplay then they should.

So today, I thought about where I was at in life generally on the 18th of December 2010. I was actually shocked, seriously shocked, when I thought about it and realised how different my life is now; but also, how my attitude and outlook on life has shifted so dramatically.

365 days ago:

• I had never completed a triathlon (seriously?!)
• I was learning to ride a bike again, and still learning how to use aero bars, having not ridden for close to 13 years
• I was back in the pool, chasing the black line, for the first time in 12 years
• I couldn't run more than 2km without stopping
• I wasn't part of Tri Alliance
• I had never met Alex - my current housemate and now good friend
• I was in a dysfunctional and unhealthy relationship
• I was anxious and lacked self confidence
• I was blonde
• I was living in Hawthorn and hating it
• I was bored and unmotivated at work
• I was 6-7kg heavier

Typing those things out, what became so obvious was how unhappy I was. It's glaring at me from the screen - I was not in a good head space, not in a good space in my personal life and my life really lacked direction.

Starting sport again for the first time in 12 years was a very scary thing for me. In high school, I was a state level netballer and swimmer. I trained hard at both of these and did well. But for the intervening 12 years, I pretty much did the standard girl "fitness" regime of ad hoc gym sessions and body attack classes - hardly what I would now consider "fit". Making the commitment to triathlon was daunting because I knew I would not be good at it straight away (and I've spoken before about how I like to be good at things) and my ego took a beating pretty much immediately when I realised I had to re-teach myself how to ride a bike and swimming 1 lap of a 50m pool exhausted me (that part was particularly embarrassing given I used to swim squad for 2.5 hours after school 3-4 nights a week). 

Then came the never ending stream of things I was also not good at: (a) using clip less pedals (a nightmare); (b) using aero bars; (c) running; (d) having confidence. I found it really hard but also really humbling. I realised this would be no different to my job or a relationship in that, if I wanted to be good, I was going to have to work really hard. Which is what I decided to do - so most of 2011 was focused on working hard at triathlon and - to my complete shock - this has brought such a sense of purpose and calm to my life. It has given me an outlet to channel my drive, stubbornness and competitive streak into an area which has a never ending stream of possibility. 

But above all, "finding" triathlon has brought a whole group of wonderful people and a fantastic new lifestyle into my world that I never dreamt I would have 12 months ago. It's made me more happy then anything else in my adult life and has given me a focus and a direction - and also a mental attitude - that I haven't had in so long. It's instilled a sense of purpose and freedom in my life that is in such stark contrast to my working life that it's now brought my life into balance. For the first time.

So to take stock, during this year:

• I finished my first triathlon (a sprint "enduro" triathlon) and 2 x sprint distance triathlons
• I came 4th in my first ever sprint triathlon in the 1st timers category :)
• I raced in the Noosa Triathlon, my first Olympic Distance event, and finished in the top third of my age group
• I raced 1 duathlon and 1 triathlon-turned-duathlon, finishing in the Top 10 of 25-29 :)
• I completed the Great Ocean Road ride
• I went to my first triathlon training camp, clocking up 300km+ on the bike and 30km+ running
• I entered my first major A race - Ironman 70.3 Busselton 2012
• I ended an unhealthy relationship
• I moved to Port Melbourne and moved in with my fantastic housemate Alex
• I was offered (and accepted) a new role at ANZ
• I took the step of signing up with a new coach.

When I look back on it, 2011 was a pretty awesome year. Sure, there were ups and downs (pretty great ups and very bad downs) but when you look back on it and survey the whole picture - it was pretty damn good.  It's also made me realise that we are capable of anything, even things that are seriously our most crazy nut bag dreams. It all comes down to how badly you want something and how much you're prepared to sacrifice for it. How much skin in the game you're willing to give.

I feel like I'm a kid who has just discovered a lolly shop and now just wants to run around like crazy, tasting everything. It's like I've finally found the piece of my life that's been missing and I want to push it as far as I can and see what else is out there. So all I want for Christmas is for 2012 to bring me more of the same, while at the same time learning learning learning. Because this is just one big journey at the end of it all.

H2O

Growing up on the Gold Coast,  knowing that you could just pop down for a quick dip was never something you considered particularly awesome. It's how you grew up, the beach was 'just there' and the only time you couldn't swim in it is if the lifeguards officially closed it because the weather warnings were so severe.

Water quality was a concept that Queenslanders discuss in a totally different way. Here's what we mean when discussing the quality of the water:

• are there any bluebottles?
• are there any jellyfish?
• what about cornflakes (those buggers are annoying as all hell if they get in your togs)
• much swell? any sweeps?
• can you see the bottom or are there are few rips around (meaning a lot of sand churn)?

Here's what you don't discuss:

• pollution
• bacteria levels
• the EPA
• rainfall (except when it turns the canal brown, then that's just a general nod of the head acknowledgement that 'we've hadda bitta rain')
• not swimming

Since I've taken to the sport of triathlon, I've been introduced to a whole new obsession over water quality, a subset to the obsession over the weather. Water quality has completely dominated the triathlon season in Melbourne this year and both sprint triathlons have been converted to duathlons because of bacteria levels in Port Phillip Bay. I'll admit, coming from Queensland, this whole concept of cancelling swims was so foreign to me. Why do that because of some rain? Sure the water might be a bit brown, but ruin the whole event? It's only now that I understand that Melbourne's suboptimal drainage system has lead to this ridiculous scenario which is making me wonder whether we'll see a triathlon at all this season.

It got me thinking that the only way to guarantee a triathlon is to travel. Interstate. So I had planned on doing just that, registering myself for the Canberra Olympic distance triathlon which is also a World Championship qualifying event. This was all looking quite tidy, fitting nicely into the schedule, until a bomb was dropped in my inbox today:

Well not quite algae - but BLOODY BACTERIA. Levels in Lake Burley Griffin are so high that the swim will "almost certainly" be cancelled and replaced with....a duathlon. They must be kidding. And apparently a fair trade for a 1.5km swim is a 5km run. It's not.

So now it seems that not even interstate travel can guarantee a triathlon. I swear it feels like "Where's Wally?" this triathlon season. So, having pondered the scenario for all of 5 seconds, my flights and accommodation were cancelled, weekend training re-scheduled and I resigned myself to the fact that I wouldn't be racing again until 2012.

But every cloud has a silver lining. The 2.80.20 Challenge Cairns race has been simmering in my mind for awhile now. The timing isn't great; 4 weeks after Busselton. But Cairns will guarantee a swim and the course is magic. And now the Challenge Cairns crew have moved the swim to an even better location with a deep water start, there is something burning in me to give this race a shot. I'll be in peak form, I'll be trained and ready to go...I just have no idea how I'll feel after pushing out my first 70.3 and whether I'd even be interested in fronting up 4 weeks later and racing again.......but I might. And who doesn't love a destination race?

Now THAT'S a swim course!!

Embrace reality