You are capable of achieving your wildest dreams

Being on the cusp of yet another new year, I started thinking today about what I had done this year and whether I felt I had progressed or improved from where I was last year. I was soaking my legs in the bay after 3.5 hours on the bike and a short run, feeling good (if not a bit thirsty) and it felt like an apt time to ponder such things as I stared out into the water.

As a control freak, I am the first to admit I like hard work = results. Immediately if possible. I'm not a fan of the slow burn, or the chip-away approach; every day, I like to see some improvement from the last. This goes for training (I'm obsessive with Garmin data and terribly critical of myself), for work (I like to see progress with projects or documents and am very impatient with people who don't tend to work as fast as I like to) and for relationships. More often then not, I can get disappointed as - strangely enough - it is generally difficult to be awesome every day. You will have days when you're off, you're tired or you're not in the mood or you just need to do the minimum to get through the day. We all have those. Unfortunately, when you fail to hover over the day-today results and look at it from a big picture perspective, those off days can tally up and become far more serious (in your mind) and get far more airplay then they should.

So today, I thought about where I was at in life generally on the 18th of December 2010. I was actually shocked, seriously shocked, when I thought about it and realised how different my life is now; but also, how my attitude and outlook on life has shifted so dramatically.

365 days ago:

• I had never completed a triathlon (seriously?!)
• I was learning to ride a bike again, and still learning how to use aero bars, having not ridden for close to 13 years
• I was back in the pool, chasing the black line, for the first time in 12 years
• I couldn't run more than 2km without stopping
• I wasn't part of Tri Alliance
• I had never met Alex - my current housemate and now good friend
• I was in a dysfunctional and unhealthy relationship
• I was anxious and lacked self confidence
• I was blonde
• I was living in Hawthorn and hating it
• I was bored and unmotivated at work
• I was 6-7kg heavier

Typing those things out, what became so obvious was how unhappy I was. It's glaring at me from the screen - I was not in a good head space, not in a good space in my personal life and my life really lacked direction.

Starting sport again for the first time in 12 years was a very scary thing for me. In high school, I was a state level netballer and swimmer. I trained hard at both of these and did well. But for the intervening 12 years, I pretty much did the standard girl "fitness" regime of ad hoc gym sessions and body attack classes - hardly what I would now consider "fit". Making the commitment to triathlon was daunting because I knew I would not be good at it straight away (and I've spoken before about how I like to be good at things) and my ego took a beating pretty much immediately when I realised I had to re-teach myself how to ride a bike and swimming 1 lap of a 50m pool exhausted me (that part was particularly embarrassing given I used to swim squad for 2.5 hours after school 3-4 nights a week). 

Then came the never ending stream of things I was also not good at: (a) using clip less pedals (a nightmare); (b) using aero bars; (c) running; (d) having confidence. I found it really hard but also really humbling. I realised this would be no different to my job or a relationship in that, if I wanted to be good, I was going to have to work really hard. Which is what I decided to do - so most of 2011 was focused on working hard at triathlon and - to my complete shock - this has brought such a sense of purpose and calm to my life. It has given me an outlet to channel my drive, stubbornness and competitive streak into an area which has a never ending stream of possibility. 

But above all, "finding" triathlon has brought a whole group of wonderful people and a fantastic new lifestyle into my world that I never dreamt I would have 12 months ago. It's made me more happy then anything else in my adult life and has given me a focus and a direction - and also a mental attitude - that I haven't had in so long. It's instilled a sense of purpose and freedom in my life that is in such stark contrast to my working life that it's now brought my life into balance. For the first time.

So to take stock, during this year:

• I finished my first triathlon (a sprint "enduro" triathlon) and 2 x sprint distance triathlons
• I came 4th in my first ever sprint triathlon in the 1st timers category :)
• I raced in the Noosa Triathlon, my first Olympic Distance event, and finished in the top third of my age group
• I raced 1 duathlon and 1 triathlon-turned-duathlon, finishing in the Top 10 of 25-29 :)
• I completed the Great Ocean Road ride
• I went to my first triathlon training camp, clocking up 300km+ on the bike and 30km+ running
• I entered my first major A race - Ironman 70.3 Busselton 2012
• I ended an unhealthy relationship
• I moved to Port Melbourne and moved in with my fantastic housemate Alex
• I was offered (and accepted) a new role at ANZ
• I took the step of signing up with a new coach.

When I look back on it, 2011 was a pretty awesome year. Sure, there were ups and downs (pretty great ups and very bad downs) but when you look back on it and survey the whole picture - it was pretty damn good.  It's also made me realise that we are capable of anything, even things that are seriously our most crazy nut bag dreams. It all comes down to how badly you want something and how much you're prepared to sacrifice for it. How much skin in the game you're willing to give.

I feel like I'm a kid who has just discovered a lolly shop and now just wants to run around like crazy, tasting everything. It's like I've finally found the piece of my life that's been missing and I want to push it as far as I can and see what else is out there. So all I want for Christmas is for 2012 to bring me more of the same, while at the same time learning learning learning. Because this is just one big journey at the end of it all.