Can you believe it?

I cannot believe it's April tomorrow. It's been 5 and a half months since I entered 70.3 Busselton and it could be yesterday. Time has flown in a blur of bikes, work, lycra, pools, wind, sweat and tears.  Has it really been that long? Have I really been training for 5 months....already? I don't feel like I have, I think I've been on the groundhog day routine that one day merges into another, one weekend into the next, and now I've woken up, turned 30 and this race is in 5 weeks time.

4 more training weeks. Wow. That's an intimidating thought because we always want to train more, just squeeze in a few more sessions. Then there's the big question - have I done enough. Can I be a competitor. Am I mentally ready.

About 4-5 weeks ago was when things started to turn for me. Up until that time, I think I had lingering questions about some things. Could I run a half marathon strongly off the bike? Could I bike strongly and still run strong? What does running 21km feel like? Can I run 21km?

Then something happened. It was like the training puzzle came together and shit started to work. My legs were running strong. My long runs got easier. I stopped being the slowest swimmer at squad. My biking shot up. I don't know why or how this happened but, as I said in my Portarlington race report, I realised that I could do this race, be a competitor and trust my training and my body.

That's something I've focussed on this week. Off the back of the monster IM Melbourne weekend, the early mornings, late nights, negligible nutrition left me in a bit of a crumpled mess. I got sick quickly, which should't have been such a shock given (a) the massive but awesome weekend; and (b) the number of people I work with sharing their various illnesses around the floor. The result being 5 days of no training, dragging myself through the days, cold & flu tablets, ginger & lemon tea, sleep time and worrying about the fact I wasn't training. Missing 5 DAYS?? The control freak in me started to meltdown. This was supposed to be a big, focussed, HIM week. Key. Important. Critical. And here I was, letting myself down by being sick.

That's right. "Letting myself down". Like I had any say in it and any control. Life is not perfect, bodies certainly aren't invincible and I've been incredibly lucky with the build I've had to escaped with nothing more then a few niggles. My body has been good to me, strong and it has tolerated a lot. But obviously, it can take only so much. So rather then allow myself to wallow in what I couldn't do, I tried to focus on what I could - rest, take time off, take advantage of the days I couldn't train to give my body what it hasn't had in so long (time off) and focus on getting back into the sessions once I was better. Dwelling on the week would do me no good and only prolong a headspace which would do me no good. Pushing my body to train would only end in tears (literally) and make the recovery period even longer.

So today, I got up and I rode for 2 hours (I'll admit, I did need a bit of a push out the door :). Nothing fast, just moving the legs again. And it felt great. Legs felt strong, it was warm, the Spanish track team cheered me on and the head wind back from Mordi didn't bother me (too) much. I'll admit, it was mentally the longest 2 hour ride ever and I think my body was in a bit of shock (what, a bike? we're back on this thing again? Geez) but you know what? I physically felt no different. If anything, I felt better with the rest I've had. And that has given me exactly what I need. The confidence that 5 days off, the scheme of things, is no big deal.

Now,  I've got 4 weeks to tweak the last 5 months of training. I've got no doubt it's going to be a pretty ugly 4 weeks, I'm going to be tired, things will hurt, I'll start to stress at some point.....but that's what racing's all about. That's what triathlon is all about. Blood, sweat, snot bombs, vomits, pain, aching, tears and that one moment when you cross the line and realise that THIS moment is why it's all worth it.

N U M B E R F I V E

This weekend was my last hit out before 70.3 Busselton in 7 weeks time. The Gatorade Porarlington race is a longer sprint distance triathlon (800m swim, 26k bike, 8k run) and, while I have spectated at this race before, I had never raced the course.

Due to the craziness that is life over the past week, I forgot that I was racing until last Friday when all the Facebook posts started. Good, in hindsight, as there was no race week build up, no anxiety, no manic googling the course, checking the wind/weather/elevation and panicking whether I would have a good/bad/average/bomb of a race. Totally forgot. The other benefit is that practically no one else knew I was racing, so there was hardly any "looking forward to race day?" conversations. Total calm.

Did my day-before race pace efforts on the bike and a short run off. Felt great and this was the first time I started thinking that maybe I'd have a solid race. After Geelong, its not secret that I wasn't over the moon with the race as a whole. It was important to have a good final race before Busso for a bunch of reasons - test the training, know things are on track, prove to myself I can race and - most importantly - give me the confidence that I need going into this 7 week period.

The thing with races is you can't focus too much on them. I've learnt that, for me, focusing on a race and analysing/assessing/turning it over in your mind is diabolical. Be prepared, absolutely. Know the course, exits/entries and the essentials. But leave the non-essentials behind. For me, they just clog up my mind with unnecessary worry that takes away from what I need to focus on. Racing. Being competitive. Pacing.

So I drove down to Geelong late Saturday, checked into my hotel, watched a movie, ate dinner, prepped the bike and went to sleep early. Alarm off at 5.30am, standard pre race meal and into the car to Portarlington. Found a park easy, wandered into the race area, collected my race pack, went through number marking, racked my bike, checked the entry/ exit points, then wandered to the tent. Calm.

It was hilarious. I felt no stress and no worry about this race at all. I have no idea why; perhaps because so many other things are happening in life at the moment, maybe it was because I knew this isn't my priority race, maybe I'm just "maturing" as a racer. Who knows. But it was so nice. Just calmly going through the motions of wetsuit on, warm up done, and heading to race start.

The first time I started to feel a bit anxious was lining up to start. How can you not. Waiting for that gun to go off is torture. I positioned myself to the end of the swim start line up, like always. I wanted to get a clear break and start strong. Gun went off and I went for it - the water was shallow so I porpoised about 8 times before I started swimming. Two girls shot off like fish and were clearly planning it that way so I let them go. I was behind them in third, where I stayed until 2/3 of the swim when one girl overtook my towards the end. I was sighting a lot as the long course swimmers were with us and I wanted to keep track of where I was in the age group pack. I wasn't sure if that girl finished in front of me at the end. I felt strong, and for the first time, I was in the race.

I came out of the water and sprinted along the transition path. I didn't know my exact position but I knew I was about 3rd or 4th. Ripped the wetsuit off, helmet and glasses on and I was off. Sprinting out, yelling "excuse me" to people who were taking their time. Forget jump mounting (my seat's too high and it stresses me out) so I got on and rode up the hill. Somehow, the Velcro on my shoe got stuck so I spent probably a minute stuffing around trying to sort that out and keep pedalling. What can you do. Once I got myself sorted, I was off. There were a group of guys ahead and we played cat and mouse for about half of the ride, then I caught up to one of the girls in my age group and we chased each other for awhile. We rode into a headwind for about 2/3 of the ride and up a slight gradient for that time with some sharper inclines that pinched. The road was dead for most of the ride which made it a challenge, but a good one. Gave me a chance to give all this bike training a good hit. Finally we hit some downhill and I went for it and had a crack. Burned back into transition, forget any fancy dismount, and sprinted into transition. Couldn't see any bikes so took that as a good sign. Figured I was around 3rd place.

Onto the run and straight up "the stairs". Nightmare. Then there were a few sharp little "hills" at the start of the run to really test things before you could settle into a rhythm. Now, what no-one told me was that the ENTIRE run was on a gravelly/dirt/sandy packed track next to the beach. No road as the long course guys were still riding. The run was undulating in parts with some tight hills and this surface made it extra challenging. The sun was out by this stage and making things hot. It was actually a really nice run; my age group was one of the first starters so by the time I was on the run I was one of the first people out there (aside from the opens & elites). I haven't run on an 'empty' course before and it really gives you a different race feel - I liked it. Given it was out and back, it also let me see where I was at in terms of placing. I haven't done any specific short course work so I knew I couldn't keep the pace I expected these girls to run (4m/km - 4.20m/km pace). I was running between 4.30-4.45m/km pace and holding but I knew that it wasn't fast enough to hold my place. I thought about upping it but knew if I did I'd blow before the end of the run (given the last 2k or so was uphill) so decided to stick to the pace I knew I could hold and let what will be, be.

As it turned out, I ended up holding a 4.45m/km average and ran 37.21 for 8km which is a new race PB for me. PUMPED. It wasn't enough for a podium and I finished 5th overall (50sec shy of 3rd place.....!!) To say that I was BEYOND excited would be an understatement. For the first time, I turned up calm, confident and I raced. I raced from the start, was a competitor and laid it all out there. The run was tough, I was definitely hurting towards the end and those last couple of hills made every part of my body ache. But that's racing. I crossed that line knowing I gave it everything and look - a 5th place!! In a SPRINT distance race (seriously?!) while training for a half ironman.

I am completely overwhelmed and excited by what Busso will bring me. The confidence that this weekend's race has given me is more than any training session, more than any 4 hour ride, long run, swim set. It's the knowledge that when it matters; on race day; not knowing the course, the weather, the competitors - that I can go out there, trust my training, trust my body, read my efforts and know how to race. To chase, to read other competitors. To push when I need to, hold back when it's needed. Dose efforts. Get angry. Push through pain. Focus on the finish. It was such an important day for all of these reasons, results aside.

It's taken ever triathlon I've raced (this was my 7th) to finally get it. Well I think I've got it. Maybe I've only got it a little bit. But it's a start. And not a moment too soon. Triathlon is hard and it hurts. I was told this day 1 and I only really understood that this weekend, really understood exactly what that means. But there is nothing more motivating then knowing you're getting what you have worked so hard for and therefore what you deserve. That is the best motivation of all.