Do you remember your first time?

It's a touch under 5 weeks till my newly-rescheduled race day and I feel comfortable in finally making this bold statement.

I'm getting my shit together.

That's right, I have had a stern word to myself, pumped my own tyres up and Google imaged every positive, motivational affirmation I could find. After being sick for a couple of weeks, as much as anyone desperately hates being sick and wants to train, the reality is getting back into training is not that straightforward. All the old excuses are still there, ready to roll out whenever you can't be bothered/it's too cold/you're too tired/you are having a sook/cracking the sads/want to eat chocolate on the couch.

The main reason for gathering said shit is that my first time is coming up and I want it to go well. I don't want to leave anything to chance, I want to prepare myself as best as I can and know that when I'm treading water at the swim start, FREAKING OUT BECAUSE I'M DOING A HALF IRONMAN that there's no reason to freak out, the work's been done, the body and the mind is ready and it's a matter of executing the race plan.

Being my first time, I (like anyone else) have questions. With the recent change in race (from a flat, relatively cool location to an undulating, hot humid one) the most obvious question to myself is "can I perform in the heat and humidity". Answer - not entirely certain. I hope so; I'm doing what I can to prepare my body for it, but the reality is that training in Melbourne and racing in Cairns will give the body a shock. But simple things like nutrition, a good race suit (black not being a sensible option!),  hydration and heat acclimation in the weeks leading in will help.

Next question to myself - I've been training to race a flat course; will the change to an undulating/hilly one matter? Answer - I'm pretty confident it won't. I've done a good chunk of hill rides and work mixed into my prep and while I'm not the strongest hill rider, I'm good enough to get through. Besides, what goes up must come down :)

I think every first timer must think about these next questions, regardless of what course they're racing:

* Just how hard is this race going to be?
* Should I have a goal time in mind or just be happy to finish?
* Can I run a half marathon off the bike? And if I can run it, can I run it well?
* What does racing for ~5 hours feel like? (some may say 'hell')
* What do I do if I mess up my nutrition/vomit it up/drop or lose something on the bike? How do I protect myself from the bonk?
* Is it really worse to stop running for a moment then to push through?
* How much is it going to hurt?

I can't help but think that long course racing has some similarities to childbirth and binge drinking (work with me here).  Both result in the individual experiencing varying levels of pain that they swear is excruciating (I've never given birth, but given I am female, I am fairly comfortable with assuming that childbirth is the worst pain a woman can experience; binge drinking often results in a chronic hangover that leaves one moaning that they are 'never drinking again' as the effects are so brutal). Yet, with time, the pain of both events subside and only happy memories remain - a beautiful baby or memory of 'a great night out' - such that the individual is more then happy to do it all again.

So, given that half ironman and ironman involves individuals punishing themselves with three different sports for anywhere between 4-17 hours, in heat/cold/wind/rain, one can safely assume that a great deal of pain and suffering will accompany that experience. Yet, these same people will sign up to race that same distance again....and again....and again.....even after swearing "I'm never doing it ever again".

Circling back to my first timer question of "how much is this going to hurt?" - assume a fair bit. Don't believe what an experienced racer tells you as they will now have their blissful, post-race-faded-pain memories (like mothers who try to tell you giving birth isn't that bad) and will instead tell you that they recall it being hard but that it as "worth it" (or something equally as vague).

My suggestion (as a first timer) - assume the worst. It'll hurt. You'll hate some of it, question why you're doing it, what an insane sport this is, maybe cry, perhaps vomit. You'll look mortifyingly unattractive. You will smell like a toilet and a dirty washing basket and look like you slept in a gutter. There may be blood. If you can accept all of this, and be comfortable with it, race day will exceed all your expectations.