Control

This is the final training weekend before 70.3 Cairns and what an absolute crapper of a forecast. Cold, wet, windy. The trifecta of training hell served up by Melbourne. But I'm not letting this get me down because I've trained through this junk for months, it's one more weekend and then I'm out. Off back to my home state, ready to take on this race that has been such a big focus (and goal) for me for so long now.

A lot of people have been asking me how I'm feeling about racing; am I nervous/excited/stressed/anxious. Am I worried about what could happen with flats, nutrition or heat. An equal number of people (admittedly most from work) stare at me like I've actually lost my mind when I explain what the race entails and simply ask various forms of "why on earth are you putting yourself through THAT?"

I've blogged and thought about these questions before......why people do Ironman, half ironman, triathlon....but oddly for me the answer (for myself) came out of the blue.

I'm not nervous. I'm not stressed. I'm strangely calm. And it's because, for the first time in what I think my adult life, I am putting myself into a situation where the mind is willing, the training's been done but there are absolutely no guarantees that the hard work will translate into a good result. And this is bizarrely compelling to me.

For me, I've gone about my life often with clear goals in mind and a very focused vision and method as to how those goals will be achieved. Largely this entailed hard work, sacrifice, dedication and a relentlessness that comes from wanting something badly. Professionally, this attitude has paid dues and I have always been a firm believer that you need to work hard to have any opportunity of achieving or controlling the outcome you want.

And its really that word. Control. There are many areas in life that we can control, and equally there are those that we can't. I think many people like to invest heavily in the areas that are capable of being controlled because then you're guaranteed the outcome you'd like...and a life that is well within your comfort zone. It's less attractive (at times) to leave things up to fate, luck or any other process to determine a life path.

I'm honest about the fact that the last 10 years of my life has been heavily focused on my job, building a career and being dedicated to investing in this aspect of my life. This process, and the outcome, is so significantly in my control that the investment almost (and I stress, almost) guarantees the result.

For me, there is a thrill in making that investment, working really hard....but then losing some of that control in the moment of truth. This race, the process of working towards a half ironman, has allowed me to explore this side of myself; the part that is only capable of being partially controlled. The rest - well, that's up to my body and how pleasant it decides to be on race day (as well as a multitude of other variables that, you guessed it, are out of my control).

Call it a calculated gamble with the odds on my side. But come race day, the thing I am most excited about is seeing just which way these cards are dealt.