Little Miss Stubborn

It will come as no surprise to those who know me that I consider myself a competitive person, and a stubborn one at that. I like being good at things, I like applying myself and working hard and seeing results. I'm not sure why, but I've always wanted to excel. Participating at anything, unless I know I have prepared and given it 110%, doesn't bring me much enjoyment.

It becomes very difficult to manage this personality when things don't go your way; specifically, when hard work and effort doesn't seem to make much of a difference. When the logic doesn't add up, when applying common sense or maths or researching or doing figures or any of the above doesn't give you the answers you are looking for.

So how do you manage your own expectations in this situation? How do you overcome the feelings of inadequacy, failure or overreaction when this has been such a strong theme of your personality your entire life?

The reality is that you will never get your way all the time because you cannot control everything. How wonderful if you could. So it means we must develop strategies to manage our own reaction to situations we are not happy about. 

I've learnt over the years that the first step is to be rational. I find this a challenge as many of my thoughts around wanting to be the best or be good at things are completely irrational. For example, I fantasise about winning my first half ironman. That will never, EVER happen - not because I can't (ONE day) do this, but because it is just not rational to think that I could achieve this on 6 months training when there are people who train 5 years to do the same thing. It's a similar principle to your eyes being bigger then your belly.

Being rational means accepting certain facts, some of which are going to look very unattractive if your someone who actively likes to avoid any weakness or areas which aren't 'perfect'. For me, it's accepting that I've only just started running in the last 5 months. Fact. I won't be running like a gazelle or like girls who have been running for 10 years. Or the fact I have a terrible short term memory, which means at work I often can't remember if someone asked me something in a meeting unless I write it down. Fact. These are not earth shattering issues, no one is going to die, but they are little things that annoy me on a daily basis and of course I wish were different. But they're not, so I need to accept that what is, is.

Part of this acceptance is then figuring how I can improve. What can I do that is achievable and realistic? Again, be rational. Setting unrealistic goals is only going to make me disappointed when I don't achieve them and make me feel more inadequate then when I started. This is a difficult process for someone who wants to be the "best"and feels frustrated with the body that seems to be holding me back, but you have to work with what you have. 

Onwards and upwards :)