Perspective

It's been 2.5 weeks since Cairns and it's been a bit of a roller coaster. Going straight back into long days at work and a few stressful situations is not something that would usually affect me; that's often the norm at least a couple of days of the week.

However, coming back from the race then back into that environment hit me for six. A combination of the "come down" effect I heard about, the adrenalin drop out,  no training, topped up stress levels and lack of sleep = a very bad fallout.

What this highlighted is the importance of pre-race recovery, rest and time out. I'm sure I knew about this somewhere in the back of my mind (I'd certainly read enough articles on it) but my stubbornness got the better of me and I (stupidly) thought I could somehow sail through that period, that I wouldn't need it, I felt physically fine so there was no need to stop.  What a nugget.

I was ignoring the fact that I was mentally exhausted. An extended season due to race changes, a build up of work pressures and general fatigue had left me feeling a bit disenchanted with the whole triathlon scene. My life had been so squarely focussed around this one race for so long, triathlon seemed to engulf my life from so many angles, that the switch just flicked and I was done. Couldn't face the pool, my bike or the thought of running. In fact, the thought of any exercise just couldn't motivate me so it wasn't just triathlon. I had athlete fatigue and needed to give myself the break of not worrying about it for awhile.....until that fire in the belly started to come back and I could look at my bike again without feeling a sense of dread.

It's loosely called giving-yourself-a-break and living-like-a-normal-person. I've slept in. Eaten crap. Sat around. Watched other people run and ride their bikes. Stared at my swimsuit without guilt. Gotten scared by the numbers on the scales. Whatever. Sometimes, the obsessive compulsiveness of this sport creeps up on us and we beat ourselves up because we miss a session or two and think we're done, a failure.

You know what? I trained solidly for 7 months. Can anyone seriously say that 2.5 weeks of chilling out and enjoying life is going to ruin that?

What this self-imposed training exile has allowed me to do is think about what is important in my life; what I value, who I value, what adds happiness to my life. Are there things that cause me unnecessary stress? Can I simplify things? And I've realised a lot of things which I won't share here -  but have made some changes as a result and feel infinitely happier.

I've challenged my thinking on certain beliefs, on my lifestyle, on where I see my life headed. I've had the headspace, the time and the energy to seriously think through these things and consider where I want triathlon to fit in this picture. And as a result, I feel more positive, more recharged and more determined then I think I did when I originally started this half ironman journey. Because there are lots of things that are important in life - you've just got to figure out what they are for you.